7 Tips for People with Child Custody, Visitation & Child Support Cases

No one plans to be in court facing a spouse, former partner or family member. But unfortunately, when people can’t agree on what is best for a child, they sometimes find themselves hiring an attorney and going to court so that a judge can decide for them. Here are some tips for getting the best outcome for yourself and the children involved.

1. Do not make negative comments about the other party in the child’s presence or within earshot of the child. If a child hears you say that her mother is “no good”, she will wonder if she is no good too. Do not make negative comments about the other party when the child is in the same home with you. As my elders used to say, “Every shut eye ain’t sleep, and every good bye ain’t gone.” In other words, don’t assume that the child is asleep or playing outside.

   2. Avoid discussing the court case with the child. Many children feel that they have done something wrong to cause their parents to separate. If you discuss the court case with them, you could cause the child to feel pressured to make statements that are favorable to you, and you can create feelings of guilt and confusion. Depending on your child’s age and maturity level, if your child knows that there is a court case, you can simply say that a judge is going to help you and the other party resolve some issues.

   3. If you don’t understand your attorney’s advice or if you disagree with it, ask her to explain it to you. Asks lots of questions. Repeat back to her what she has told you to make sure you understand. Ask her to explain it to you like you’re in fourth grade. Ask her why she feels the advice is in your best interest and or the best interest of the children involved.

   4. Do not seek legal advice from your friends, the internet or TV shows. Every family law case is different. The parties are different; the attorneys are different; the judge is different, and the facts are different. Information that you get from the internet or TV shows may or may not be accurate. If you want additional information about your particular type of case, ask your attorney for some resources, so that she can refer you to reputable sources. Lean on your friends for moral support, but do not rely on them for legal advice.

   5. Respond to your attorney’s emails and telephone calls. Your attorney wants to represent you in an efficient manner. If she leaves you a message or sends you an email, respond as quickly and as thoroughly as you can. This will save you time and money.

   6. Before you discuss your case with the other party, talk to your attorney. She can give you advice about issues that you should and should not discuss with the other party.

   7. Play the long game. Understand that you will have a relationship with the other party for another 40-60 years. There will be holidays, weddings, graduations and other events that your child wants to share with both of you. Additionally, you will need to collaborate with the other party on major decisions involving your child.

Lawyering up against a loved one is not an enjoyable process, but you can do your part to ease the stress of the situation and preserve the relationship.